I'm still healing

My last relationship left me scarred.

My last relationship left me broken.

It had me enticed for so long, little did I know,

it was stealing from me.

It stole from me my joy.

It stole my purity and integrity.

My last relationship ruined my social life, it made me scared to be vulnerable again.

It made me scared because over the years we were together, I felt ashamed.

Ashamed of how I was being abused by you.

But I don't want to pass all the blame, I also take responsibility.

I take responsibility because I let you use me,

I gave you ammunition over the years and I deeply regretted it.

I gave you the power to abuse me, when all along I had the power to let you go....

My last relationship was with porn. After years of back and forth, arguing and abuse pleasure and displeasure, I am glad we broke up.

For too long I thought I couldn't live without you.

And for too long I kept running back to you.

A toxic cycle.

Too long I have given you power.

But now I have taken back my power.

I have chosen to live and strive for all that is pure and honorable again.

I want my social life back,

and I choose to learn to be vulnerable again even though I am incredibly scared.

I choose to live again.

I choose freedom.

I'm still healing. Lemu'el Written 21 May 2021

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